Monday, September 23, 2013

The First Snow.

You didn't think I'd be back again did you?
Well I guess I fooled you. Maybe it's the weather and the fact that we had a 3.whatever magnitude earthquake today (that I of course did not feel) is making me feisty .. :) but I figured we could discuss..
The S word.
That's right.. Snow. My tongue is starting to burn off just saying it.

 My drive home today. Under all that beautiful slushy snow was a nice layer of ice. Yippy!
It was the first snow storm of the year. Mind you.. it was a little one. But the first snow is always the hardest for people.
People forget how to drive. Everyone slides off the road. Nobody knows what to do. The first snow storm of the year separates the men from the boy's so to speak.. or the drunks from the sober people.. depending on how you look at it.
It’s kinda funny to see the differences in how people drive. The teenagers (fast, but a little cautious), the soccer moms (slow, but slightly hurried), the new solders from out of state (HOLY CRAP, they are crazy), all take on driving here differently. Ohhh and Subaru drivers.. They are well.. a little different. (sorry Alaska mom!)
I personally fall into the grandma/slow driver category. I'm not ashamed of that. I just drove 45 mph home on ice covered roads that have not been sanded, graveled or treated in any way. I feel like if I'm gonna drive on an ice rink, then I'm gonna to it carefully. Now summer.. that's a whole other story.. :)
But on that same note, nothing.. and I repeat nothing.. to me in Fairbanks Alaska is worth getting to at 75 mph on a black ice covered roads. I try to be cautious, because I don’t have snow tires yet, I like my truck and frankly I’m too young to die.
Now don't get me wrong here... I love the snow. I really do. I think it makes the whole world beautiful. All the junk in people yard, the thousands of junked cars, old motorhomes, the hideous shacks that people call home, the dog crap piling up everywhere.. All covered by nice beautiful snow. It’s gods little miracle. But I hate the ice. I hate ice fog. I hate ice. Did I mention that I hated ice?
But what people don’t understand is that a snow storm in Alaska, isn't just getting pretty snow and building snowmen. The first couple of snows are not terrible.. but then it starts to get hardcore. It's like a snow storm in ‘Merica x 1000. This happens almost every day at a certain point.  That can be downright awful. I once had to have my car pushed 15 miles in almost a foot of packed snow by a large Dodge Hemi truck. He literally pushed me all the way home. We got stuck just outside my building on the road. Seriously.
My cousin who thinks she knows everything, told my mom once, “Well what did she expect when she moved to Alaska?”
Dude. Nobody can plan, expect or understand what it’s like until you are white knuckle driving down the highway at 20mph on a snow covered path that DOT thought it would be reallllll funny to carve out for you.
You aint that funny DOT. Aint funny at all.
See that smoke in the air? It's called ice fog. It's Satan's version of a frozen hell. It's basically every unhealthy thing that can't evaporate so it freezes in the air. Did I mention that North Pole has some of the worst air quality in the world?? No wonder I am sick all the time. Santa is one cruel dude in the winter
Or how about when it’s -50 and your car is creaking and cracking as you try to get your vehicle to drive over 45mph down the highway. But you can’t and then your vehicle politely tells you to f-off because it’s so frozen.
After a while, that loses its excitement.
The first heavy snow happened on September 22, 2013.
That’s basically 7 months before life is normal again. 7 very long months.

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