Friday, May 25, 2012

Dear Neighbor...

Dear Neighbor Lady,

YOU ARE LOUD.

You know that letter I wrote you and stuck on your door on sweet little pink paper? Yeah, I was trying to be kind.. suggestive. "Hey in case you didn't know, these apartments aren't well insulated, soo I can hear everything you say and do. Every hole of "Playschool Golf" that Baby Tiger Woods plays.. " 

I HEAR IT.

I felt kind of bad when you wrote back saying that you were just one woman up there. "Very quiet, you said.. I'm very quiet.. Give me some time to get the house in order.." 

Well how's come now, 2 months later, you are 10 times louder and every time I walk past you OPEN apartment door, there's you and your husband and your two babies and grandma and the nephew and the auntie and the dog.. 

WHERE DO YOU PUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE IN A 400 Sq ft apartment?!???!?! 1 bedroom! Where do they all sleep?!?!?!

No wonder it's so loud up there. 

The apartment is made for 1-2 people. Not 12. 

And the cleaning. I've never lived near a person that cleaned so much. I thought Lady Who Looks at the Sky vacuuming the hallway 42 times a week was excessive. But you've brought it to new heights. What are you using to clean the kitchen?? YOU MAKE MY SINK SHAKE!!! Are you drilling?? STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!

You watch me as I pass you by, or when you are in your Honda trying to figure out how to back out without hitting everyone in the parking lot. * and stop trying to back out, or pull in to your spot. FYI you suck at parking. If our spaces were slanted to the side you would be golden. * 

You smile.
You smile harder. Your hand creeps up.. 

Then pops back down, as I glare at you with my "thank you for keeping me up all day long" eyes.

 I will not say hi because you and I aren't friends. I don't like how loud you are. I don't like that you make our house shake time you have a temper tantrum. I thought all the yelling was your kids at first, but then I realized it was you screaming at the top of your lungs at your husband about burning the noodles. 

And another thing... we all share the same building. If you can't cook, or your husband can't cook, please stop subjecting us to night after night of your smoke filled dinners gone wrong. It smells like my cat died in there. My suggestion- Order out.

Ugh.

Signed,
Your disgruntled Neighbor.







2 comments:

  1. Annoying OCD loud in need of Food Network lady who can't park. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMAO...holy cow, you always get the winners when it comes to neighbors!

    ReplyDelete