Friday, December 2, 2011

Facebook Drive-By's and Dreaming.

You know, I hate to start out December with a rant.. but I'm going to so.. be prepared!

Someone said something to me a few weeks ago that has been eating at me for days. That's why you blog right? to vent your feelings..? So here we go. Lets get this party started.

This random Facebook equivilent of a drive by shooting ended up on my wall:

when are you coming back home more near to your momma??? isn't alaska out of your blood yet??

Really??!?! We are still at this huh??! I immediately saw red. It was the rudest most insensitive thing.. and it was worse because I didn't expect it.  Then I thought, no.. wait.. slow down.. think this through a little. Don't jump the gun and write a check that your mouth can't cash.. 

But I realized over the past few days that this really really bothered me. Especially because it came from one of my family members. Oy Vey! Shouldn't your family support you? I mean I do live 4000 miles away from most anyone who has my family blood, and you'd think that those people would be the first ones to put love and light out into the world for you.. But apparently not.

After almost living here for 2 years, I feel like I have sorta proven to all the "haters" out there that moving to Alaska wasn't some hair-brained, monkey poo thing that I decided to do in a drunkin haze one night. I should hope, by now, I've shown that this was a carefully thought out decision to see the world while we were young, childless and had very little to keep us in one place. A decision in which I haven't always loved and one in which I have had to fight very hard to keep together, but it's a decision that my husband and I have committed to and we have stuck out. 

I'm very proud to be from Kansas. I'm very proud to be from Peabody and Emporia, Kansas. I tell people probably once a day, something about my hometown, or the people in it. Seeing a K-Stater in Alaska, still irrates me. It's the Jayhawker in me.. I can't wash that pride out.. 

Kansas made me faithful, homespun, thoughtful.. and full of that go get'em spirit that only living in a small Kansas town can give you.

Moving to Alaska wasn't about leaving my momma or my friends or my town.. It was about seeing what was out in the world. My momma always wanted that for me. Always. That's why she took us on trips all over the south when I was a kid, to California, to Nevada.. to Mexico.. That's why she sent me to England in High School. She wanted me to know how other people lived. She still wants that for me.

I know that momma would probably skip up and down the street if I moved next door to her and was in hollerin distance to come over for supper..  but she would NEVER ask that of me. She knows that it wouldn't make me happy. She has seen with her own two eyes why I fell in love with this big, crazy, wild place.. 

My only goal in my life has been to make my momma proud of me... and there are lots of times I've fell short in that. But I KNOW that she is proud of me for seeing what is outside the four square walls of Kansas.  

I just think that moving to Alaska has made me a better person. It's made me more thankful, more aware of myself and my surroundings and more responsible. I see something everyday here that amazes me. Being in Alaska has made me THINK more about the world and how I see it.  Alaska will ALWAYS be in my blood because it's changed who I am as a person. I like who that person is. I like who she is becoming.  

Regardless of if we stay here or leave... right now.. Alaska is my home. Maybe next year I'll call Italy my home, or Canada or Oklahoma.. (ok, no.. not Oklahoma, but you get the idea)  Home isn't where you are, or where you are from.. HOME IS IN YOUR HEART- not a place that you live on a map. 

Every time I see the aurora, or a moose with her calf, or a red rainbow.. I thank god that I am there to witness it. I'm thankful that when I die I can go to god and tell him about it. I want to see everything I can in this world and make every new experience be "in my blood". 

I think life is so very short. People are afraid to take that step out of their normal boundary and see where life takes them. They are just too scared to dream big and go for it. And that's ok. I don't judge that. Some folks aren't ready to fly that high... and some people are. It's all in the circle of life and it's all relative baby.

But what I can't understand nor do I like are people who are so bound by their sadness and mundane issues in their lives, that they can't help but judge people who are only trying to make the most of this life's adventures. I think this person is probably one of those folks.  

Well thanks for letting me vent.. I feel a lot better. I feel like I can finally put this baby to bed in my mind. 

I hope you all are doin' fine.. It's 20 above here today. 20 above! Holy Moly! That's unexpected for December.. But we will take it. I love me some Chinooks! 

Remember people--
Life is a garden people.. Dig it..

This picture is how I feel today---------->


  1. I think it's awesome that the two of you are following your dreams. I didn't do it when I was young. I hope I get to do it later in life, but 'later in life' is not promised to any of us.
    You have to live life while you can. And I totally agree that home is where you make it.

  2. Well I've gotta say I'm real happy you DID come to you!

  3. Roxy, some people just dont get it.

    I left home at 17 with the military, married Jim at 20 and I never lived by my dad again. I know when Jim retired from the military people thought we would go to CO so I could be near my dad but thats not what what we wanted. I loved my dad more than life itself, but living in CO would have made me absolutely miserable and like your mom, my dad knew that. He knew that Alaska was calling me and that I had to do what was right for me and my family.

    We cant live our lives for others. Life is so short, we need to grab and reach out and experience whatever we can. Sometimes that takes us far away from the ones we love but thats just something that has to be dealt with.

    2 yrs. Dang girl! Seems like just yesterday that I was just discovering your blog, reading about your planned move up here! Hooray for those of us who followed a dream and are living it!

  4. You go, Roxsee! You are doing what you've always set your heart out to do...i'm proud of you and glad that you are getting to live your dream of living in Alaska! Love ya lots! <3

  5. I received an email from a blog reader of mine who chewed me up and berated me for living so far from my kids. It really irritated the heck out of me. What gives ANYONE the right to pass judgement on someone else. I know families who live on the same block who don't have the same closeness that my sons and I have - even with 5000 miles between us.