Monday, March 14, 2011

My Momma.


Everyone is asleep.. the house is dark. My mom is in her room.. sleeping her final night in my house in Alaska. I feel so mixed about this moment. I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry. I am so happy that she could come and see what Alaska is like and get a feeling for my life here, but I am so sad that she is leaving me tommorrow. So sad that my head is hurting.

I just kept looking at her as she was sitting on the couch tonight, soaking in all the final seconds I had with her. Watching her silver hair in the light. Seeing her laugh at whatever was on the television. It made me realize how much I have missed her just being near me in these past two years. It made me see how connected I feel since she has been here. Homesickness is a heart wrenching disease. It consumes you. Her being here has just made everything right and ok in my heart. I feel like I am at home again. Just knowing that she is going home tommorrow.. I can feel that old familar sick feeling creeping back in.

I know that I can't keep her here. (Even though I may try in the morning).. but I wish that time didn't go so quickly. It speeds past you like a lighting bolt when you want to take each second and hold it in your hand. There is so much more of this place I wanted to show her and watch her see for the first time. But sadly time and sickness didn't allow.

I'm happy she saw the world through my eyes for a moment. That's all I really wanted out of this trip.. was to do SOMETHING for her.. for all that she's done for me. I wanted to see her carefree and happy for awhile. It was good.

It made my heart feel good.
But hours are ticking away.. and soon she will be gone...

So I will sit here when she leaves.. and I will look at her in these pictures.. and maybe I won't miss our morning coffee and soaps or our trips for lunch..and maybe I won't miss us making fun of Charlie Sheen on TV.. "WINNING!" Maybe I won't miss the car rides and the exclaimations of " oh my lord these icy roads!"

But who am I fooling.. ?? Of course I'll miss them.. and I'll miss her. I already miss her and she hasn't even left yet.
I love you momma. I hope you had a great time.. I know I did.

5 comments:

  1. I think you are so very lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with your mom. So many adults don't have that with their parents. Reading your blog made me sad for you - but also brought up some familiar feelings for me too. It's very hard to live apart from your loved ones.... but now you both know that you are only a plane ride away - and that's not too bad. Your memories and photos will last forever.... and will carry you through to the next visit with her... which you should be planning already :) I love ya Roxy - I'm so glad your mom got to come out and spend time with you!
    PS - I love the pictures.... especially the ice restaurant ones - super cool! :)

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  2. This made me tear up because I know how hard it is to be away from family and those we love. And I also miss my momma, who isn't on this earth anymore and never had the chance to come to AK.

    I'm happy you had this time with her. Safe travels to your momma.

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  3. my heart aches for you! i bet the trip has been wonderful and her leaving will be bittersweet.
    does it ever get warm enough so you don't have to be so 'rugged up'? just curious :)

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  4. H & Susan.. thanks guys.. :)

    Sue, yes it does.. Alaskan summers are BEAUTIFUL and warm and out of this world..! Id say it averages about ohh gosh 70F in the summer.. sometimes alot warmer. It can get 90F for a few days. But it's definately nice. I do believe that god gives us those beautiful summers to make up for all he does to us in the winter. It's worth every cold day!

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  5. awwwww... sounds wonderful to have her there!

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