Thursday, August 12, 2010

I FINALLY HAVE NEIGHBORS TO BLOG ABOUT. HOT DAMN!

So my long time readers will not forget my neighbors from the Cottonhood, Neighborboy and Neighborgurl.. Gosh.. I almost miss them! I've gone for almost a year in Alaska without having neighbors worth blogging about, until now..

Are you excited! HAHAH I know I am.

Last week, the apartment next to mine was finally rented. It's been open FOREVER. So me and Mister keep hearing this CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLACK BANG #*&*&@*&!!!@!@$*@*@ all day long. Personally I thought PartyGurl next to me had finally killed her boyfriend and was dragging him up the stairs. (she's a scary girl) ANYWAY, we go out to investigate only to find our newest neighbors in Santaland. RedneckNeighbor and Mrs. RedneckNeighbor.. Can you believe it? I found me some rednecks in Alaska..

So Mrs. Neck, as I'm gonna call her, waddles over to say hello. Now we all know I am a big girl.. but damn. 4'8 ladies wearing spandex biker shorts.. I"m just sayin.
Wow.

"HEY HEY HAYYYYYYYYYYYY YA'll !! I'm Mrs.Neck! How are ya'll!!!!???!?"

Now. What a blog and typed words will never be able to convey to you is the volume of this lady's voice. SHE WAS LOUD. Like you know on Extreme Makeover Home Edition when Ty is yelling at everyone through that speaker? That kind of loud.

It was deafening.

So we exchange hellos and go on about our day.

People for the past week, this woman has done laundry for 20 hrs a day, every single day. Load after load after load after load after load. And not only is the washer and dryer right by our front door.. Mrs. Neck feels the need to give blow by blow of her laundry to Mr. Neck in there apartment by screaming it to him down the hall.

"BABY DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT IN THESE HERE SHORTS OF YOURS??"

Really?
Do I need to hear this?

"BABY I'M GONNA WASH UP THIS NIGHTIE AND IT"S ON!!!"

Holy crap.

And this has been going on for 7 days.

Now something also to let you know, is that these people smell. Badly. Which is a little confusing given the fact that there should not be one stitch of fabric in that house that hasn't been washed at least twice in the past week.

When you walk down the stairs it's a mixture of booty funk and sock sweat. It's mighty appealling, let me tell you.


AND Oh, I forgot.. at promptly 9:00am each and every morning Mrs. Neck stomps down the stairwell to give the daily weather report.

"IT"S RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAINING AGAIN!"
"IT"S CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUDLY NOW!"

That's why I've got the Weather Channel lady.. I don't need to hear it from you.

Oh.. and Mr.Neck, I do believe watches porn in his boxers in the middle of the night in his boxer shorts with the window open.

HIS WINDOW IS THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING. OPEN. I'm just sayin. Chew on that for a moment or two.

5 comments:

  1. Oh I have missed your neighbor stories too! These will definately makef for some good blog material is they get to stick around that long!!!

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  2. oh my word! I have so needed your neighbor posts! I am gonna go read this to hubby and laugh! Thank you!

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  3. You just can't escape freaks, no matter how far you go!

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  4. eeeeewwwwww! lol Booty funk? gag! lol

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  5. This reminds me of why I avoid most people. I've met waaaay too many Mr. and Mrs. Necks.
    lol...good post!

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