I feel like things lately have started to really fall off course.
You know how sometimes you do everything you can to keep things in the basket and together, but they all fall out anyway.. the harder you try?
I am a very difficult person. I am very complex and needy and rude and sometimes my mouth doesn't have a filter. I hate that about myself, because nobody ever wants to be a rude person. but sometimes I think I am without really even knowing it.
What I want is for things to get back on track again. I like it when the railroad is on the right course. I don't know how to make it right again. Sometimes I think that I try to "fix" or "help" too much because that's my nature. Somethings aren't meant to be corrected or fixed are they?
It isn't always your right or your place to be the fixer. It's too hard to always want to fix everything. Sometimes you just have to be thankful for what you have and hope that somehow, some way, god will give you a sweet hand now and again.
But you never want to admit when you are wrong. When you have overstepped and made someone feel bad about a situation or themselves. It hard to say.. but I have many many times.
But there comes a time when you have to wonder if you are putting your feelings about yourself onto someone elses faults because you don't want to face your own.
You have to get back to doing you. Doing what you do best.. but it seems like the road is so clouded by other roadblocks that you don't know which way you are going to get back on the right track again.
I think for me, I have to stop and check myself. Remembering all I have. I am very very lucky and these past few months I have forgotten that. I have alot of things in my life that others dont. I forget that easily. I pray to god that he will give me the humility to remember that. Everything to me tends to always be way more than it should be. I have to learn to simmer down a little.
Anyways, I just want to say that I don't forget what you do for me. I don't forget you. I appreciate all the love and support.. real epic tales never die.. they last forever. And I do believe that we have one here..
All I need to remember is..
Anuugacchati Pravaha (go with the flow)
I heart you.