Thursday, June 3, 2010

im nothing without you.

I've been sitting here, staring at a blank screen of white nothingness for over an hour.

I write a word.

I erase it.

Write another.

I erase it.
I've been working on reworking my blogs into a better format to bind into a book about my travels through Alaska.
I've hit a wall.
See the reason this blog has always been so easy for me, is that I know, somewhere out there someone will read it. Maybe as soon as I post it. Maybe tommorrow in a passing glance.. but someone will find me and know that I am out here.

It helps the words flow.

Nobody has seen my words in several weeks, because I've been so focused on making this blog into something that it isn't.

A book.
It's a blog. Random, raw and very uncut.
I can't make it into what it isn't.
So I'm coming back to you.

My old friend. Back to where things make sense to me. Where grammar and good posture doesn't matter. It's just about the story. My story.
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Alaska is on fire.

That's maybe the truth or quite possibly a metophor for things in general here.

The smoke hangs on the sky and burns your eyes.

But at least we still have homes and our town. Some are teetering on the edges, some people are living day to day, hour to hour, not knowing if an evacuation is coming.

That, I am sure, is a very very scary thing.
I couldn't imagine how that would make you feel, seeing the fire coming, seeing it eating everything in sight and only growing bigger by the minute. Remember how I told you we didn't get much snow this winter and that was a bad thing..?

This is why.
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My husband made a huge leap in his life yesterday.

He became another year older. And hotter, but maybe I'm just bias..

Happy Birthday!

and he became the bigger person in a long standing fight with someone who 34 years ago, gave birth to my small premature husband.

I love him for having a big enough heart to try to put the hand of forgiveness.
I just hope that he doesn't get his hand cut off.
It's happened one too many times to my tenderhearted love. He's a good man. It kills me when he's hurting.

I only hope that things can slowly get to a manageable pace between them.

Sometimes you just have to let things go right?

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I've been feeling this need in my stomach for a change.

Have you felt like this? Where there's something inside you that just needs to turn for the worse or the better?
I know theres so many things out there that I need to do better. My confidence has just been a little waning.

Maybe I just need a new shirt.

Value Village anyone?


2 comments:

  1. I have been waiting for you to post! I love your Alaska journey. I am so proud of you two. I am praying it is everything you need it to be.

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  2. good to hear from you! I really do miss your hilarious posts about your neighbors in KS. Any good dish there? Ha :)!

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