I try to remember what my life was like when I first decided I was going to move to Alaska.
I try to remember sometimes what drove me to move here.
I try to remember the reasons behind all those small things that made our decision to leave.. but I just can't.
I just don't recall.
I want to first start off I want to say that I love living in Alaska. I do. I'm very lucky and blessed to have made it this far. Through all the hardships it took to get here, it has made me realize that truly I can do anything that I want to set my mind out to do.
Sometimes I wake up thinking sometimes that I am home. As in, Kansas.. It's like a sad dream that I am having over and over. I feel like everything is perfect and right and calm... and I'm in Kansas.
I don't know why I keep having this feeling when I am sleeping. I don't know what it means.
I feel happy.. I feel glad to be here.. The town is great, the people I have met so far are wonderful.. but I kinda feel out of place. Does that make any sense?
Like my puzzle piece doesn't quite fit into the Fairbanks puzzle.
I think that I know why that is.. but I'm not quite in the right position to do what I need to do to change that.
I don't want anyone to think that I am sad or anything.. I'm not. I'm really happy to be were I am. But I just feel kinda discumboulated.. Like my heart isn't in some of the things I am doing.
I hope that I can work to change that. Maybe as I meet more people it will get better.