Friday, June 12, 2009

Dear NeighborBoy

Dear NeighborBoy,

I'd just like to thank you for moving in. Ever since you came into our little humble abode, we have not only gained a constant source of entertainment, but my blog readership has increased 10 fold.

Monday, I'd really like to thank you for having a huge fist fight in our front lawn. I'm not sure which one of your baby mama's boyfriend's you were forcefully knocking into the middle of next week, but you managed to only get minimal blood on your wife beater shirt.

That's talent.

I would also like to really thank you.. I mean REALLY thank you for making me throw up in my mouth a little bit as I watched you tounge wrestle not only one BUT TWO of the finest looking women this side of the trailer park in the front yard, shortly after the baby mama drama fist fight.. Neither of the women were your crack infested, live-in who regularly bangs on my door at all hours. Oh no.. You had two brand new hotties with you and I use that term very loosely. Making up must be hard to do.

Not only did you tounge wrestle two women at the same time, but you made sure it was romantic, on a ratty, hole infested blanket in the front yard, on TOP of the broken glass, dirty diapers and cig butts.

That's classy. Nobody can accuse you of not treating a lady right.

Oh.. and another thing, thanks grilling in the front yard and leaving the grill outside for 4 days, with the lid open and food still on it.

I love the smell of rancid hot dogs in the middle of a midwestern summer. Yummy.

So thanks, really. I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood you slimy little punk. We are so happy to have a free Jay-Z concert everynight. Some people have to pay 90.00 to hear that.

Your Friend,
The Neighbors


OH and PS: Your bedroom is right next to ours. SO yes, we can hear you to answer your question.

and PSS: The Hammer Pants went out of style somewhere around 1993. Please Hammer, Don't Hurt Em'

43 comments:

  1. Congrats on the 100th blog post! I just had to stop by from SITS and follow you so you wouldn't have 99 followers anymore. So now you have 100 followers to go along with your 100 blog posts. I guess you have 101 posts now but oh well :-)

    Mandy

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  2. OH MY!!!! This is so bad. And I thought we had it bad with our Kareoke loving neighbors!!

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  3. Just to clarify "He is so bad" that it makes a GREAT post. He's like bloggy compost.

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  4. And there you go... 101 Followers now! ;)

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  5. My dear, you cannot get to Alaska fast enough, flushing toilet or no.

    xo

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  6. Oh my oh my. I hope your move happens sooner rather than later. But it does make for good reading :)

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  7. Eh, gross!! I can't believe you have to deal with that.

    The house with no bathroom inside is looking really really good!!!

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  8. Wow, you are such a lucky gal! What winners you have living next to you. Hopefully you can all keep in touch after the big move ;) I'm sure you'll miss them all so much.

    xoxo ~Lisa

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  9. Too funny! What a bummer that you have to deal with that daily...but at least it's good fodder for the blog!

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  10. Thanks for stopping by...

    And uh, can we get a PHOTO for this guy? I'm really really really trying to get a mental image and it's just not working.

    We have a backyard puker....he coughs until he pukes EVERY night. I think he might have some sort of chronic condition so I don't tell him to shut the flark up...but I want to.

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  11. What a classy young man...his mama must be so proud! How'd you score such a cool neighbor?!

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  12. Man, I'm so jealous he's YOUR neighbor and not mine! Some gals get all the luck! ;)

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  13. Hilarious letter, not so hilarious living situation for you. Way to make lemonade out of lemons!

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  14. You should work for a PR firm. You write the best commercials! Makes me want to hop a plane for a visit. Good stuff.

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  15. Well, if that doesn't raise the value of the neighborhood, I don't know what will. You should tell him that next time he's going to host a boxing match on your front lawn, you'd like advance notice so you can take wagers on that crap.

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  16. This is brilliant! Your blogs about where you live is so entertaining, i wish i lived with you! Well, maybe i wont go that far, it sounds pretty ghetto, but i wish you your life were a t.v. show!

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  17. Thanks for stopping by today. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay and left that great comment. This is an excellent post!

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  18. Are you sure you will be able to trade your fun and glamorous lifestyle for boring Alaska?Ü. I mean moose pretty much do the same thing every day.Lol

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  19. Oh. Dear. Lord. lol, thankfully we don't have any neighbors like that cuz if we did I don't think I would handle it nearly as well as you seem to! haha

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  20. that's IT! Im coming over!!!! lmfao

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  21. I am laughing so hard!!! Except I just threw up in my mouth a little too! Ew.
    Macey

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  22. Well I am officially boring as are my neighbors. I need to move to a new hood so I can have more to blog about other than Mama.

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  23. Holy Cow! Hahaha You have to appreciate what neighbors bring to the hood'. Super cute!! Leaving some SITS Friday bloggy love!

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  24. OMG! You live in the most entertaining neighborhood! lol
    Stop by my blog to pick up your award!

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  25. Aww dayum!
    I'm almost jealous....not at all. :)

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  26. LOL!!! Thanks for the mis afternoon entertainment! I needed it today! How many days unil you move :)?

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  27. Haha! Wish I could see pictures!! Actually- you described it well enough for me to picture it in my head! Haha! You might get just as crazy neighbors here as you do down there- maybe worse! :)

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  28. Wow!!! That is quite the neighbor you have! There must be some way you can get him to get his public act together? Haha

    Shawna's Study Abroad

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  29. Do you have a camera? Because if you don't have one, I will SEND one to you. You have to, MUST, have GOT to post images of Neighbor Boy's habitat, mating ritual and feeding habits.

    Move over, Meerkat Manor....

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  30. Um yikes. This sounds like you have a permanent Maury Povitch show next to you.

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  31. I totally vote for pictures too!

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  32. Bawwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!!!
    You poor thing. Take some pic's I'd love to see. That's not only funny but its hysterical.

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  33. This is all so disturbing on so many levels... You should start a site like "Redneck Neighbor" (if you have no idea what I'm talking about - i posted links about that on thebigpieceofcake.com in December (or maybe late November - can't remember).

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  34. Hahaha! This made me laugh. Pictures are a must

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  35. This is frickin FABULOUS! You are too funny Rocksee! thanks for the giggles!

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  36. pictures please, i just gotta put a face with that nasty story!!!

    http://randommusingsfrommypov.com

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  37. are you sure he just hasn't escaped from a reality show???

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  38. You are HILARIOUS! LOL We used to have these college girls for our 'share the wall' neighbors and I SWEAR to you they were making porn in their bedroom. Either that or she was a whore. I'd have nightmares that I was stuck in the middle of a porno and I'd wake up to find I was safe and sound in my own bed with just the myriad of body slapping, moanin', groanin 'you're the best ever' 'oh G*d' crappy dirty talk filling my room. Oh, How I miss those neighbors. *cough cough*

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  39. Oh my, I am so glad I live where I do. How mcuh longer do you have to enjoy your awesome neighbor boy?

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  40. Oh I didn't spell check my work! Crap!

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  41. YUCK!!!!
    No wonder you want to move to Alaska.

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