A Better Wife
Seriously. I am a pretty ok good wife. I really am. Sometimes I shock myself by how much I love that man. But I could always be better. Sometimes I suck so bad at wifedom. I say something, or do something, or act like a complete fool and I think later, "Was that the best wife I could have been?" No. Prolly not.
I have to remember that this man is doing his part to be a good husband to me (most of time :) ) and I need to always be on top of my game. Because if I'm not, then he could and should find someone else. I want him to always feel like he has the Lincoln Navigator of wives, not some broken down 1975 Chevy Chevette.
Marriage is a test. You have to work hard at it. Study up on it, constantly hone your skills. I want to get an A++ on the test everyday.
Plus, I really like the ring. It's purty. I don't wanna have to give it back someday.
A Better Christian
I've worked really hard to get my relationship in a good place with the Ole JC. To be honest, I used to be a very devout (or at least I thought I was) Christian when I was younger. Went to church every week, did all the extra in the middle of the week, read the bible sometimes.
But then the church burned me.
We won't go into the in's and out's of that, but I lost god there for a minute. I forgot that God is not a church or the choir or sunday school, God is everything.
Without him, my life didn't go very well.
So I am trying very hard to give my life back to God, to show him that I am sorry for being such an idiot before.
Now that I realize that God isn't a place or a building or the collection plate, I've gotten alot closer to him and feel more at peace with my religion.
But it's a work in progress. I have alot to repent for and alot of listening to do.
To Love More
I am pretty closed off sometimes. I have a hard time showing how much I love someone. I think the worst of people. (Occupational hazard) I want to be a more loving, open person. Someone who gives everyone a chance.
I also want to show more love to my family and friends. I want them to know before I go how much I love them and that I didn't make the decision to leave them lightly.
I just dont want to be so hard anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am made of rock because showing your feelings in my profession isn't really the best thing to do. So you close them off and shut them down. I want to change that.
I want to be a momma so badly. I don't know if I would be a good momma. I would hope that I would. But I just know that there is a child out there somewhere for me. I see so many parents who don't love the children they have, or mistreat them. I just know that God couldn't be that unfair to me. He just couldn't be. Maybe that is selfish, but that's what I think.
So that's why I have faith that this will happen.
I want to expand my horizons as far as they will go. I want to live and learn about so many different places. I don't want to stop at Fairbanks. I want to expose myself to as many people and cultures as I can. Learn to do different things. Be as well rounded as I can be.
Live as short and you only get to live it once.
Might as well go hard.
For a long time I've been very mute about having skin cancer. For 8 years I have battled mole after mole, skin test after skin test, embrassing full body checks and I 've said nothing.
People need to realize what they are doing to there body. I've said for along time "to each his own" "whatever they want to do" , but really what kind of person would I be if I didn't at least show them how WRONG they were by sitting in the sun all day slathering up the baby oil, or going tanning 3 days a week, or doing yard work without sunscreen on.
I'd say a pretty sucky person.
So I am going to get more involved. I want to also get more involved with breast cancer related causes. I am at very high risk for that as my mother had breast cancer.
Everyone woman in my family, from me clear up to the beginning has had or has died from some sort of cancer.
If I don't get involved, then I might as well start picking out my casket.