Have you ever wondered if Sarah and Todd sit around the dinner table in Wasilla and talked about how big of a idiot Todd's momma is?
Do you think that happens?
Or Michelle and Barack.. do you wonder if sometimes Michelle wants to tell Baracks momma exactly what she thinks of her?
But you can't really say what you want to say about the Ole MIL can you?
I first knew that maybe my MIL wasn't exactly thrilled for me to be on the scene when she asked Hubs, about 1 week into dating, if he really wanted all of my baggage since I had skin cancer. Would he really want to be carting me off to the doctor all the time?
Hubs and I had dated for about 6 months when we moved in together. She told Hubs that he should control all of the money, both his and mine, because she had a sense that I would ruin him finanacially. (considering I pay all the bills now, since they wouldn't get paid if my husband did them, I find that pretty funny)
She was constantly in his ear about me and how I handled the running of our household, the things I wore (she bought me clothes she thought were more "suitable) , were we went, what color our bath towels were.. EVERYTHING.
Now, coming from parents who were very supportive of me, but not clingy, I wasn't really sure how to react to her. I am definately a momma's girl, but she never in my lifetime has ever been in my decision making, or has she said anything in a "badmouthing" way about anything I choose to do or people who I have dated. She personally thinks Hubs's is the cats pajamas.
My natural instint was to get upset, feel attacked and go on the defensive. Which was completely wrong because it just played into what she was constantly telling Hubs that I was.
This caused alot of problems in Hubs and I's relationship. So much so, that during dating I had to tell him, either, you tell her to back off, or I am out.
So he told her to back off. And as I found out later, just stopped telling me everything she said about me.
The next time I really felt completely put down was the week before our wedding. She told my mother that she "didn't really think that Hub's would marry her." So she needed to go actually buy a dress.
UM EXCUSE ME??
Ever since that day, I have kept a distance from her. Which is sad. I mean I don't get the benefit of having a great second mom. But in keeping my distance, I began to see how she really was. How she had completely jaded my husband into thinking that her words were golden.
I began to just try to open Hub's eyes to this little by little. In the way she handled things. How she talked to him. How she completely treated him as if he was 10 years old, asking her for desert after supper.
And little by little Hub's began to see, that maybe, his ole wife had a point.
See MIL really doesn't like Hub's right now. She's very upset with the fact that he is his own man, living his own life and he doesn't ask or seek out her approval. She does not like me because I have shown Hub's that he can reach farther and higher than she ever told him could be possible.
Hub's has grown into a confident, successful, goal-oriented man and none of that confidence, or success or goals came from her. She doesn't like it a bit.
What saddens me is that I see how much she is pushing him away. He loves her so much and if she would sit down with him and discuss the issues they have with each other, in a mature, adult way and come to some resolution. I think Hub's would be more than happy to continue a relationship with her. I think that after all the broken promises to call more, see each other more (we live in the same town) and be more interested in his life in a non offensive way.. he's really hesitant about any kind of relationship with her.
And if he can't have a real solid relationship with his mom in the same city, how is that going to happen 3,000 miles away.
I feel sad because my mom is so interested in me and our lives and loves us both so much. He doesn't get that.
I don't know if it is my place to try to fix it anymore. I don't know if it even can be fixed.
So my question to you..
Mother in Laws... what's the story with yours?