Friends.. when I started this blog out, I wanted it to be a completely raw, uncut, honest, in your face view of who I was and the life that me and hubs have. I want to put all my emotions out there for you.. You can judge me as you may. So with that being said.. I'm going to just share.
Today, wasn't.. well the best.
Starting out with the fact that I was awaken by you know who 2 hours after I had gone to sleep today... I was in rather a shakey mood.
I went to go get my hair cut and the line was LONG.. so I signed in and went next door to the clothing store to kill some time.
I was just getting ready to leave, when a great friend of mine came in, who I hadn't seen in a long time. Friends, I want to say right here that this girl is amazing. She is so focused and honest. She has been a dream chaser and I have been inspired to chase my dreams because of her.
So we were catching up and she started to smile.. she said.. "I have something to tell you.. I am pregnant.."
Instantly, I wanted to cry.
I was mad.
I was jealous.
The flood of emotion that I had about it took me by surprise, like hit me over the head with a two by four surprised.
I was incredibly excited and happy for her, but sad at the same time. I congratulated her and left the store before I uspet her. I had to get myself together. I just sat in the car and cried for a long time.
I'm still sad about it.
I feel like a awful friend and person for reacting that way. I hope beyond all hope that she didn't notice and that she doesn't feel (if she is reading this) that she said anything wrong, or upset me.
You didn't. YOU will be one of the best mothers on the planet. Seriously amazing. I am so proud of you.
I guess I just got so upset because it seems like everyone know is getting pregnant and having babies without even trying. Just knowing that it's that much harder for us and it just isn't happening and I want a baby so badly..
Well it just all caught up with me today.
Thankfully, during my baby breakdown, I was able to reach Hubs. Man, my husband is a great guy. He managed to make me laugh, tell me a joke and blame the entire fact that we don't have a baby on him.
"Given your track record with plants, lets get you a dog first.. I don't want my babies to wilt.."
He's a good egg.
He reassured me that I wasn't the worst form of human life for being a tad jealous and that wanting a baby is a good thing. He assured me we will keep trying and if not.. we can try for a baby in other ways when we get settled in our new home.
I'm trying to keep my chin up. Shrug it off. But I just needed to put the words down to get it out of my head and off my chest.
Thanks for reading guys. You keep me going some days. :)