Friday, May 29, 2009

Praying.

I'm not sure what to even say about what has happened today.
What I will say is that I have learned today that no matter how hard you are on yourself, at the end of the day all you can do is turn in your best and let the chips fall where they may. You can't really expect more than that.
I am not sad.
I do not cry.
I do not feel anything more than anger. Anger for things that I can't control. I try to remember that in all things, I don't have control. God does. But today, that doesn't seem to lessen the anger that I have inside.
So instead, I blog. I've given up the sauce so I can't go and have a drink. But I write these words for some solace, some explanation for the feelings that I have about this day.
But it doesn't seem to really be doing much for my soul.
Each time things like this happen, it hardens me a little bit. Makes me colder, more aloof. Another door in my heart shuts off, in hopes that I can some how close enough doors so it doesn't hurt anymore.
My heart aches.
I don't like that feeling.
I remember once that someone once told me that god places people in certain situations for a reason. You are involved in many things in this life and all of them are for his planning. There is a purpose in all things godly.
I really wish that today I could see gods purpose. I don't understand why he does things like this. I don't understand why he insists on hurting people.
I hate seeing people hurting. I just can't stand it. I would rather cut out my own heart than see someone I love and respect be hurting.
But it's all apart of gods plan isn't it? Really what plan could that be? How can one person have to hurt that much? I really don't know. The one thing I do really know is that I hope god has a miracle in his bag of tricks. I really hope he does. We need a miracle. Like a miracle x 10.
Please.
Thank you.
Amen.

22 comments:

  1. Hugs!

    I wonder this same thing a lot. But then I remember that 1. The Lord works in Mysterious ways. 2. That He loves us and wants us to be happy. and 3. He allows bad things to happen because he can't take away our free will... I believe that men are allowed to make their own choices so that one day they can be judged of them. Meanwhile I just pray that everything will happen according to His plan.

    Love ya!

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  2. Oh Rocksee, you deserve a hug. And a couple of prayers. Since I live quite a few states away, and can't physically give you a hug, I will add you to my prayers so that if it is His will, you will get your miracle x10. I hope all is well and goes well in your life and the lives of your loved ones.

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  3. I too belive that man has free choice and it sometimes the outcomes are sad. I am not sure what is going n but I will pray for you too!!!

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  4. It's good to know, though, that when we hurt God is right there hurting with us and even though we can't see His purpose- maybe ever on this side of life- He has one. Sometimes, I think He allows those hurts to happen so that we can learn to depend on Him for strength! Praying for you and this miracle you need!

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  5. Wow!! I hope whatever it is works itself out! I am in the same boat of not understanding and being in a lot of pain myself, so even though I do not know what is going on with you I can empathize with that crappy feeling.

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  6. Rocksee, I'm praying for you... Have you read the book, "The Shack?" I really, really loved it, and right now, I'm going through some of the same questions as you...about why certain bad things happen...but the other day, I remembered the book, "the shack" and it has kind of helped me put things into perspective... Just a suggestion. BIG HUGE hugs to u!
    XOXO
    Juls

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  7. First, I'm so sorry your hurting:(
    Second, I know its hard to see the greater purpose of God's plan when we are right in the middle of it, but I promise, there is a purpose.

    1 Thess 3:2-8

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  8. I wonder the samy things a lot too. I will be keeping you in my prayers and I am sending you a hug too! Take Care.

    Kim

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  9. I'm so sorry. It is such an awful place to be in when you feel like you have been forgotten about, left behind, and unanswered. I envy people who say "God speaks to me" because i think he put his mute button on me a long time ago. But i know thats not true, and if he really is the God of the universe, then i HAVE to believe thats not true. I know you are bummed and i am so sorry dear...

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  10. Roxy - I'm so sorry you are hurting, but I do know what whoever you are praying for is lucky to have you praying and believing in the power of prayer for them. Plus with this blog, there will be a lot more people praying for you and them - and that is amazing!! God works in mysterious ways - and He never gives us more than we can handle! I will keep you in my prayers and send you lots of hugs!!

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  11. I'm so sorry for your hurt. It's so hard to see the bigger picture when you're in the throws of pain. I truly hope things get better for you.
    : )

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  12. I'm so sorry you're hurting right now!! I hope your miracle comes!

    xoxo ~Lisa

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  13. Saw you on a friends blog, just wanted to say that God is our source, he's the comforter - We live in a fallen world consequences for sin is pain and death, but God's plan is to restore all things so that these things will not be around to hurt us anymore -pain and sin consequence is not in his "plan" for you the way some make it sound. It is part of our existence in a fallen world, but God's eternal plan is to bring justice and to make wrong things right. Remember our present pain is nothing in light of eternities joy - and though right now that probably seems for - this is our hope! I know you don't even have a clue who I am, but you were very open and vulnerable on here and I felt compelled to share=)

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  14. oops I meant seems "far away" not "for"

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  15. praying for your miracle x 10 honey! it will come, it will come...

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  16. yes there is always a PLAN. And we may not know right now what that plan is, in a year you can look back and say :oh yup I get it" I have had so many of those in my life that when I meet up with a challenge or circumstance that seems unfair I step back and remember that their will be understanding.

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  17. I hope a miracle finds its way to you. I also find myself pretty angry when things just seem like they are horribly wrong. I hope things find a way to fall into a better pattern! Hugs and prayers.

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  18. I'm with Juls, read The Shack if you can. It really puts some things into perspective. I don't understand why things happen either...and I have been so mad at God so many times. And I'm ashamed of that, but it's true. It's because we are human I guess, and we just can't understand all things. ?? I don't even know if that makes sense.
    Know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you...lots of hugs too.
    Macey

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  19. I'm sorry - I don't know your situation, but I do know that God has a reason and a plan that we cannot understand. I have not read the Shack but my sister-in-law lost a child and she read it and highly recommends it. But please know that we are all here to support you! I hope and pray you feel peace and come out of this situation soon.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

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  20. I've felt like that many times. I'll be praying for your miracle! (((HUGS)))

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  21. Sweetie, I have another award for you. Come check it out, it's a cool one! : )
    Macey

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  22. SOOOO glad I came across your blog today.. Something just made me click on it and I'm thankful that I did. I have done a lot of soul searching this past week and just know that we have all been there. I know I have. I'm a follower. Nice to meet you! Love your blog.

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