Wednesday, March 18, 2009

It's Hard To Say..

But you never know how things in your life will end up.. I've learned recently that people you thought you knew, are not who you've ever known at all.

I've had a hard month trying to figure out a few things in my life. It's hard when someone who is close to you betrays your trust. It puts a whole new spin on how you view things you thought you had a very clear grasp of. I realize that some people deserve a second chance for change. But I feel like some things are just too hard to recover from.. you know what I mean? Like you've done something SO terrible, that maybe forgiveness isn't an option.

(and just a side note.. this is not about B.. it's about someone completely different.. so calm down. me and the mister are a-ok)

I don't even think that he realizes how badly things are between us. I would love to talk to him about it.. but I don't think that he wants that. I don't think he wants me to be interfering at all. I just wish he would see how by doing what he is doing he is not only hurting himself but he his pushing away everyone who loves him.

Not only that, by doing what he is doing it makes me seriously question if I should go to Alaska at all.

I've been wrestling back and forth with this all month long.

But I feel like I have made a promise to myself and to B to make this journey. I have to honor that. My heart is so excited for this trip and full. I have to go for myself and for my family.

I feel in a way that I am being selfish.. but I know that I can not fix this situation here. It has to be fixed by that person. He has to be the one who is ready to fix it and if not, the other party involved needs to let him go. That person knows that I am there for them and LOVE them so much. I love them SO SO much, but I also realize that this person has alot invested.. and it's hard to just know when the right time is. I realize that. I was once in that position.

All I can do is offer my help and love and support. I will do whatever it takes to help keep the other party involved ok, even if that person wants to come and live with us in Alaska. That option is always open, ALWAYS.

I love very deeply. I feel as though I must do whatever I can to help, but I can not make the decision.

I pray so hard everynight that things will get better. I am praying. Lord please help those who need it.



  1. Roxy...I love ya girl...I'm so glad you Blog...I wish I had the creativeness you do to do a Blog...
    I am so very excited for you and B...I know that it probably still seems very surreal that you are leaving...but I know that you've wanted this for a long time and I know that you are doing something that will make a wonderful change for you and B. I wish it hasn't been so long since I've seen you, but I know that I will always have a computer to talk with you, and that it will always feel like you are just in another room. I'm so happy that God has allowed You to be in My life ever since we were little...I look forward to being your friend for many many years to come...I also look forward to more always know how to put certain things into perspective, as well as make people laugh. <3 <3 <3

  2. You are so sweet. I love you!

  3. I also wanted to let you know that when I was the first to leave a comment, I tried to Follow you, but my computer is making it very's a flinstone computer..and i have to be nice to her, because i think she's on the verge of leaving me...but know that i'm trying to follow just may take a little while to do.....computers make me crazy! oh...and I <3 You, Too!