-52 Think Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.. Only Way Crazier and Drunk.

Click for weather forecast

Here's what I'm gonna say.

Yes. I did choose to live in Alaska.
Yes. I love the fact that I live here, 90% of the time.
Yes. I did know it's cold here.  (this is my 3rd winter)
But this?

This is crazy.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

The first winter I was here it was pretty mild. It got cold, but I don't remember a day that went above -35 or so. My second winter here, we had a long string of days at -35 to -39 and a few days I recall that got to -40 or so.

But this winter has been tough and so bitterly cold. We have had frigid temps for awhile now. -30 seems warm at this point.

But -52??!?!?! REALLY?

You do not play at -52. You just don't. It's not even in the same parking lot as -30. -30 you can still function.. At -35, you still can do what you gotta do. Even -40 and a grocery run isn't out of the realm of possibility.

But at -52. You don't screw around. Straight home. Straight to the next stop of warmth.

Today I can say was the first night that I was actually a little bit frightened driving home. The ice fog rolled in about 8pm and has only gotten thicker and deeper. By the time I left work at 11, it was so thick you couldn't see a but a few feet in front of you.

The air just seems upset. Mean.

-52. It hurts my lips to even say it.

Winter Raven's..

I met this stately gentleman in the Wal-Mart parking lot, waiting for Hubs as he went in for 1 item that took him 30 minutes just to check out for. Stupid Walmart. I was feeling happy, my stomach full of the most amazing taco's in Fairbanks, Alaska. I was happy to have a little time to admire this little friend. Ahh the joys of not feeling rushed!

Remember how I said several blogs back that one of the things I love about Alaska is the fact that around every corner, Alaska always knows how to say "Hey friend, how are ya?"

I think that was Mr. Raven today.

Commanding over his flock.

I often wonder if ravens feel unappreciated, unloved. Here we mostly look upon them as a nuisance. A raven is a bird that you have to duck from in the parking lot, a bird who's favorite perch is on top of your car. Sometimes the real narsty ones will swarm you! It's horrifying.

But there is something pretty serious about this raven. Something fierce. I love how his eyes are all business. The dark contrast of the feathers against the white snowy background. You can tell this big boy knows he's the boss of raven land.

Today I found a new appreciation. Raven's aren't so bad at all. :)

Tacos Make Everyone Happy.

So I sent the neighbors a note. It wasn't a bad note. It was a "hey, this place isn't sound proofed, so maybe you should tell Baby Tiger Woods to lay off the 7am golf games in the kitchen, but welcome to the building" type note.

Today I got a reply.

"Oh so sorry, everything in this house is very old. Everything needed replaced. Stove, Water heater.. makes big noise. Husband and I stay awake all night last night. There was a man singing upstairs. We will try to be quieter. So sorry."

Did I feel bad or what? Very sweet lady. I want to write her back and say I'm sorry that her loud, golf playing child was bothering me. I want to buy her a present. I'm so mean. Ugh!

Mrs. Neck--- Still MIA. Mr. Neck, in the apartment enjoying the quiet.

Apparently Lady Who Looks at the Sky was screaming again tonight about the noise. Maybe I should tell my new neighbors about Sky Lady. She will scare them. She scares me.

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It's getting warmer.
People are happy.
-4 feels like 85 in Florida.
There's alot wrong with that sentence.
But I still am glad it's -4.
Don't judge me.
Pass the margarita.

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I have found a new obcession with the following things:

Corn Fritters. Sweet butter. Rub together. Enjoy.

So good. How is it that I've gone 32 years and never had a corn fritter? It's like a corndog and a can of corn had sex and created a round deep fried baby.

It's divine. Heavenly. Insert all good adjectives here.

Kombucha Tea.

I found out about Kombucha while sitting on the toliet reading a magazine. I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but I started off the story well. Anyways, Kombucha, to make a very long description short, is fermented tea that has like 50000 zillion good ingredients for you. Anti Oxidents, Happy tub notes, everything you need to feel all happy and sunshiney inside. And it's supposed to help with Acid Reflux, which I could sorely use.

The boy at Safeway asked me what it tasted like and to me it tastes like wine.. or maybe tea mixed with gingerale. He didn't seem to like that answer. It's not bad unless you accidently drink the long stringy wormy things at the bottom.

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I've feeling burnt out lately. Tired. Cranky. I feel disconnected from things. I hate that.

How do you balance all the aspects in your life and give yourself equally to each thing? I fall off the balance beam alot.

I think sometimes I spend to much times doing things that make me unhappy because I feel that I have to, instead of doing things that make me happy because I want to.

Ugh.. Damned if you do, Damned if you don't. The ying and the yang. The ebb and the flow. Such is life.

Going back to focusing in on the things I have the power to work on changing.

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I should go to sleep.

Taco King Monday tommorrow for lunch.

Housekeeping.

So it's been -40 for like 5000 weeks.

Ok, maybe that's over doing it. But really it's been cold with a chance of colder for far far far to long. I'm ok with a -40 here and there. But 3 weeks straight? Mother nature what the hell did I ever do to you?

The thing is, when things are frozen for a long time. They don't work right. Like cars for example. After they've been frozen for say 3 weeks straight, they don't like you. They make noises that sound like cuss words. It's really not very lady like.

Your body doesn't work right. Your muscles ache. You are cranky. They very sight of a thermometer sets you off. If you are outside for more than say 5 minutes, you are a stiff pile of bones. Your mind is telling your legs to walk. But nothing happens. You get slower and slower as you go. Ehh.. Cold. Ick.

And when you gave gotten to the point when -20 sounds like vacation weather and you say things like "Wow, it's really nice out here!" Well there is just something wrong with you.

We just need a day or two to thaw. Then you can freeze up again Mother Nature you cold, frigid, well.. you know what I could end that with.

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All has been quiet in the apartment building as of late. Lady Who Looks at the Sky still hates us. She still hates the lady with the cat upstairs. Hubs heard her screaming at her from inside her apartment at 8pm the other night. It was a mixture of some Chinese/English yelling that he couldn't quite make out. Doors were slammed. Thing is, I think the lady with cat got rid of her cat months ago. So I don't know what Lady Who Looks at the Sky thinks she's hearing. If I was the Cat Lady I would mess with her as long as I could for all the times she has yelled at her. Maybe that's wrong. I dunno.Big Black Truck Guy who lives catty wompus from us believes she is listening in to his apartment with a glass on the wall. He heard her sliding a glass along the wall the other night. Very strange woman. Yes I used catty wompus, don't judge me.

Mr. Neck and Mrs. Neck are on the outs again. Someone lied, someone let the car die and it was alll down hill from there. Mrs. Neck has been spending the night with a "friend".. Like I said. Very quiet at the apartments.

We have a new neighbor upstairs. Our Army guy left to do.. well Army things and now we have a happy family above us. With a very loud toddler. That plays golf in the living room. Ugh! We will see how that goes.

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The aurora foreast says that the aurora is supposed to be a 5 tommorrow night. That's apparently very extreme. I was reading in the http://www.alaskadispatch.com/ that some sort of cosmic star sex happened and made something go down to the planet and WA LA! Crazy auroras will form. But the bad thing about Alaska in the butt crack cold of winter is the ice fog and the haze that comes off of all the smoke from the buildings and such. It makes it very cloudy and hard to see the aurora.

And if it's snowing.. Well all bet's are off. It was snowing tonight when I came home.. and you can't see the tip of your nose when it snows good.
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I started Skypeing with my momma recently. I got her a netbook for Christmas. It's been so great. It's amazing we lasted 2 years without Skype. It's like autostart. I don't know how I lived before it was made.

Speaking of auto start. Whoever created it was a genius.

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Someone gave me a great piece of advice recently, that I'm going to pass along to you.

Focus and put all your positive energy to things that YOU have control of.

Seems simple right? Sometimes I think I waste alot of time worrying about stuff I can't fix or change.
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Seems like I haven't put enough pictures on this blog.
Here's another.

Here's some ice fog for ya.
Tasty huh?

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OH! I updated some of the blogs I follow to the right. Some of the coolest Alaska folks around. Check them out, follow them.. Learn! YAYA FOR LEARNING!

Ok, well Hub's is calling me for dinner. It's Sloppy Joes at the ponderosa tonight.

Giddeeup!

Night all..

2011 Reasons Why You Want To Read This.. Wait I Thought of Another One! 2012!

Ah yes..
It's the new year..

2012. Holy effing crap! Where did 2011 go?

Well here it is.. the reflecting post. I think 2011 was a leap year for me, cause it sorta felt like a bridge between all the bad stuff that happened in in 2010 to something new and great that will happen in 2012.

I loved 2011 for one reason, it made me realize that no matter what happens in my life, I'm gonna be ok. 2011 showed me that this little girl right here is a fighter.

In 2011 I settled in a work.. and feel like I sorta have a place, no matter how crazy it is, that will always love me no matter how left of center I am.. :)

I learned that being married has it's dark times and you have to really talk to your partner to keep fighting through it. I am blessed with a great husband. We have stuck out some tough stuff this year. But some of the best marriages have moments when you just don't know what else to do. You have to believe in the love that got you to that point. Even if it's all that you hold on to sometimes. My husband is an amazing man. He has endured so much this year. We've endured a lot together. And some how, some way, we just keep figuring it out. In a way, I think that's what the best marriages are all about.. just knowing some how your gonna always figure it out. <3

In 2011, I've felt more at home in the great white north. I've felt like I've sunk into the square peg, like I had always hoped I would. You know how when when two things try come together so hard and fast you sometimes miss making the connect because of the force of everything around you. That's what I used to feel about living in Alaska. Like we never quite "came together". But in 2011, something in me clicked. I stopped trying to make things work here and just enjoyed being here. I feel like I live here, that I'm a part of things here.. and I'm enjoying the fierce love that comes from it.

In 2011, I finally got a NEW CAR! Yay! As a lot of you know I filed for bankruptcy when I was a young 20 something because I was young, dumb and believed a boy. But I worked so hard to get my credit back and to feel comfortable with having a car payment again. Kiki the Kia is my new baby! I love her!

She's so cute!

We still have my old reliable Ford Taurus, otherwise known as the "Pie Mobile" here. I just couldn't give her up. We have so much history.
So we will move that to the spare car for now!

But with all the highlights of 2011.. we did have one major downer this year. The loss of my beloved father in law, Mike.

We miss him terribly. I miss his laugh and his big smile. I miss his big hands and how he used to wash them with Windex. There are some days that I still call his cell phone number, just to hear him laugh. But then I remember that he's not there. He was full of sunshine and laughs everyday.

He loved his son SO much. He thought I was pretty great too. :)  I try to stay strong for Bubs.. but sometimes it's hard. He was such a good man. I hope we made him proud here.

They say that someday it gets easier, but it hasn't yet. We miss him everyday. I hope that heaven is full of golf courses and K-State games.. :)  Love you Poppa V!

Goals for 2012:
1. To loose weight. I'm a porker. It's time to do it and stick with it for awhile. I need to look hot for my thirties!

2; To be a nicer person. Sometimes I think you just get to snarky at the end of the day. I have to work on being a little less "In your face" and more full of honey.

3. To write more. It makes me happy. I get busy and make excuses not to.

4. NO MORE EXCUSES. Just do it already Rocksee! Geez!


To my loyal readers. Thanks for another year of sticking with me. I appreciate your fellowship, you friendship and just knowing that somewhere in this world you are there, cheering me on.

Love to everyone!
Hope to everyone!

By a lotto ticket. :)
Or in Alaska by a Pull Tab, cause we don't got no lotto here. :)

Anyways, til next time..

Facebook Drive-By's and Dreaming.

You know, I hate to start out December with a rant.. but I'm going to so.. be prepared!

Someone said something to me a few weeks ago that has been eating at me for days. That's why you blog right? to vent your feelings..? So here we go. Lets get this party started.


This random Facebook equivilent of a drive by shooting ended up on my wall:

when are you coming back home more near to your momma??? isn't alaska out of your blood yet??

Really??!?! We are still at this huh??! I immediately saw red. It was the rudest most insensitive thing.. and it was worse because I didn't expect it.  Then I thought, no.. wait.. slow down.. think this through a little. Don't jump the gun and write a check that your mouth can't cash.. 

But I realized over the past few days that this really really bothered me. Especially because it came from one of my family members. Oy Vey! Shouldn't your family support you? I mean I do live 4000 miles away from most anyone who has my family blood, and you'd think that those people would be the first ones to put love and light out into the world for you.. But apparently not.

After almost living here for 2 years, I feel like I have sorta proven to all the "haters" out there that moving to Alaska wasn't some hair-brained, monkey poo thing that I decided to do in a drunkin haze one night. I should hope, by now, I've shown that this was a carefully thought out decision to see the world while we were young, childless and had very little to keep us in one place. A decision in which I haven't always loved and one in which I have had to fight very hard to keep together, but it's a decision that my husband and I have committed to and we have stuck out. 

I'm very proud to be from Kansas. I'm very proud to be from Peabody and Emporia, Kansas. I tell people probably once a day, something about my hometown, or the people in it. Seeing a K-Stater in Alaska, still irrates me. It's the Jayhawker in me.. I can't wash that pride out.. 

Kansas made me faithful, homespun, thoughtful.. and full of that go get'em spirit that only living in a small Kansas town can give you.

Moving to Alaska wasn't about leaving my momma or my friends or my town.. It was about seeing what was out in the world. My momma always wanted that for me. Always. That's why she took us on trips all over the south when I was a kid, to California, to Nevada.. to Mexico.. That's why she sent me to England in High School. She wanted me to know how other people lived. She still wants that for me.

I know that momma would probably skip up and down the street if I moved next door to her and was in hollerin distance to come over for supper..  but she would NEVER ask that of me. She knows that it wouldn't make me happy. She has seen with her own two eyes why I fell in love with this big, crazy, wild place.. 

My only goal in my life has been to make my momma proud of me... and there are lots of times I've fell short in that. But I KNOW that she is proud of me for seeing what is outside the four square walls of Kansas.  

I just think that moving to Alaska has made me a better person. It's made me more thankful, more aware of myself and my surroundings and more responsible. I see something everyday here that amazes me. Being in Alaska has made me THINK more about the world and how I see it.  Alaska will ALWAYS be in my blood because it's changed who I am as a person. I like who that person is. I like who she is becoming.  

Regardless of if we stay here or leave... right now.. Alaska is my home. Maybe next year I'll call Italy my home, or Canada or Oklahoma.. (ok, no.. not Oklahoma, but you get the idea)  Home isn't where you are, or where you are from.. HOME IS IN YOUR HEART- not a place that you live on a map. 

Every time I see the aurora, or a moose with her calf, or a red rainbow.. I thank god that I am there to witness it. I'm thankful that when I die I can go to god and tell him about it. I want to see everything I can in this world and make every new experience be "in my blood". 

I think life is so very short. People are afraid to take that step out of their normal boundary and see where life takes them. They are just too scared to dream big and go for it. And that's ok. I don't judge that. Some folks aren't ready to fly that high... and some people are. It's all in the circle of life and it's all relative baby.

But what I can't understand nor do I like are people who are so bound by their sadness and mundane issues in their lives, that they can't help but judge people who are only trying to make the most of this life's adventures. I think this person is probably one of those folks.  

Well thanks for letting me vent.. I feel a lot better. I feel like I can finally put this baby to bed in my mind. 

I hope you all are doin' fine.. It's 20 above here today. 20 above! Holy Moly! That's unexpected for December.. But we will take it. I love me some Chinooks! 

Remember people--

Life is a garden people.. Dig it..

This picture is how I feel today---------->